Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Gags and Fags

Freedom of speech?? We all love it as long as it isn't our babies crying out. No no no, those little things need us as pacifiers but what do we do??  We stuff them up with a silicone gag order coz that prat is 3 days old and that is what is going to make him value the freedom of speech. Rein him in. He/She is going to have to deal with silicone breasts as an adult, might as well stuff a silicone teat down his gullet. Practice and all that.

Yeah yeah I know young parents are under duress and it is all PC to put your older kid on a leash and walk him like a dog, as if falling down is going to scar him for life, and safety? you can't be that much of a nutter that your 15 month old can out run you out of bounds. But hey I am PC so

Now can someone explain Christmas stress to me??? Why do people have to attend parties 3 weeks before Christ's birthday and why do they have to dress their kids in fair isle sweaters and why does Santa have to get like real outlandish stuff for the children?? Poor fellow.

We don't stress him out. We're just happy with him getting a new calendar or a Spiderman bowl and chocolates aplenty. As a kid, all I did for Christmas was help out all the (neighbourhood) Christian aunties in their kalkal making. Someone kneaded the dough, whilst someone else baked a cake or was irate about not being invited to see the snake skinning 3 days ago.

For hours on end, we'd have country music playing and I'd be rolling dough on forks listening to adult conversation complete with cussing, dogs barking and smoke billowing. Man! if a breed knows to cuss, it is the Anglo-Indian community of India. They combine the best of the English swear words with the worst ones in Hindi, add a verb or two and ha!! you get a loaded, juicy swear word you can never un-hear.  ZAS9P48A3TNH . My favourite aunties were fantastic smokers. They smoked bidis at home.

Yes in nylon skirts, and stretch blouses, with flip flops they worked around the house with curlers in their hair and bidis between their fingers, these women  talked and talked and laughed heartily. They taught me that it was okay to say what one felt, and it was better if you could make it funny, that babies should cry and dogs should be allowed to run around unleashed. But more than that, they showed me that Christmas wasn't about a present or two, or about stress. It was about getting family and friends together, praying, laughing and getting drunk.

Merry Christmas everyone!


  1. You got a number where a guy could get in touch with a few of these babes?

    They sound like Raj's kind of girls.

  2. They've all moved onto those long white stylish cigarettes!!! Not enough sass in the world anymore!