Relationships add vice!

I have on occasion, dreamt of being an agony aunt. How hard can it be? People write anonymously to some magazine/newspaper/website about the jerks in their lives or being jerks themselves or being unable to jerk - off.  Looks like easy money to me. It’s right there with being a food critic, a film critic, a Godman or a life coach. There are no set of specific skills that anyone needs to have in any of the above mentioned jobs. No training required. And yet, For an agony aunt I have the requisite experience. Aren’t I in relationships? romantic and otherwise? What more do you need? The cherry on top of my candidature is that I am so good at screwing up my relationships and I have so much experience that I can predict precisely how badly my interactions will end. Imagine this, if I can foresee the snuffing out of my own interactions, how good am I at analyzing other people’s lives?  So yes that’s a dream and the only reason I don’t pursue it is because my intention is to just make a quick buck. Not to ameliorate anyone’s miserable life. Even though I know I will be good at it!

There is a new age mantra that says in a marriage or partnership you are individuals, no one completes you. You are a whole in yourself. There are numerous articles on “How to be a whole person before a partnership”. Really? How does one check for wholeness? Or even @$$holeness? There is no test for either. I’m supposed to be one of those women who supposedly 'feel incomplete' without their marriage and family. I bring up my h-h-h-h husband and k-k—k-kids in every conversation. I talk in the ‘we’ language. I share a credit card with my husband and I have no issues if he gets an SMS every time I buy a pack of instant noodles. Am I just a fraction of a human because of that?  I have facebook and even Zuckerberg knows my penchant for instant noodles.

Marriage or not, relationships are difficult. Family, colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances and even celebrities. Yes, celebrities. I have some with whom I’m friends in my head and there are people like Amir Khan (for others it’s Brad Pitt ) that I can’t forgive for breaking up with his wife. If we have real feelings about imaginary people, then we must have imaginary feelings about real ones. No?

Why exactly are relationships hard? Why are there articles, books and ponderings such as this? Methinks we see ourselves reflected in others. We see, avarice, lust, PRIDE, greed, mediocrity, insecurities, and self sabotaging behaviors in others. Relationships based on bad preferences are fantastic. Drinking buddies, murderous mates, slutty sisters, or just plain lazy daisies make the best of friends, relatives and partners. We all have that buddy, who eats potato chips ( insert your choice of vice) in the middle of night and with whom we never get into a fight. 

It is when we seek virtue is when we get into trouble. When we seek humility, generosity, excellence, devoutness and a perfectly brewed cup of tea is when we land in trouble. We pedestalize people, we expect more of them, one virtue is never sufficient we expect them to come with the whole bouquet of virtuosity. We want our good ones to be better. We want them to be good atleast and they never are. They are never good enough. The problem lies not with them but in our expectation of them. And therein lies the conflict.  

And then there’s conflict. Mother of all conflicts. Destroying nations, dynasties, friendships, blowing out wedding vows and trampling over partners - business or pleasure ones. Moolah! Money makes marriages miserable, makes lovers lie, makes foes out of friends and makes kinsmen kill. What this world needs is an agony aunt who is ready to dispense advice not for the money but for the joy it gives her.