Giving gifts is a surprisingly complex and important part of human interaction, helping to define relationships and strengthen bonds with family and friends. It is a ritual which is usually reciprocal in some way or form. Having said that, people assume the reciprocity is value based. Not based on intrinsic value, but monetary value. And ‘free gift’ seekers want to be rid of this reciprocity. So they hint for gifts, ‘I really like the shade of your lipstick, I never seem to find such shades’. Err, do you want me to buy it for you, because I ordered it from the rainforest website after seeing a gazillion ads on TV? A particular bane of the diplomatic community is people being blatant about ‘You’re going to Switzerland, cuckoo clocks are aplenty and pretty , so bring us some back’. What? Will you pay me back? You didn’t mention that. Who on earth uses cuckoo clocks in the era of apple watches? I’ll tell you who? Just cheapskates who feel that they have won the lottery in the ‘free gift’ department and can score an item or two from friends (or underlings). And when even after winning these offers, they don’t feel great, they ask for more from more people. It becomes the cliched vicious cycle. If only they knew!
If only people knew that the gifting ritual does more for the gifter than the receiver. Giving to others reinforces our feelings for them and makes us feel effective and caring. When we give a gift it is an act of selflessness to show our gratitude to the recipient. A lot of people when marking important events in their life, or on holidays have a 'no gift’ policy. If you don’t let me give you a gift, then you're not encouraging me to think about you and think about things you like. You are preventing me from experiencing the joy of engaging in all those activities. You do people a disservice by not giving them the gift of giving.
Who is on your gift list is telling you who is important in your life. It says who is more important and who is less important. More than unimportant, there are so many undeserving ones. It applies to charity as well. Some are worth it, but others not at all. Drug addled people begging for money. Able bodied boys asking for a coffee. Women with a litany of toddlers and babies milking (no pun intended) motorists for cash. That distant relative, who is forever looking to score a loan that he has no intention of repaying. Undeserving people I say!!!
